I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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