I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
