When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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