Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
