Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
