i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
