no, he came in my armpit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You don't make any sense
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