Will you blow on my dice?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
