3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
someone owes me an orgasm
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
