in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
