And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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