'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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