Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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