I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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