508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
