I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
