Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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