Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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