and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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