Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
