I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
