The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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