You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
