i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
