His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
