The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
