so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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