I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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