Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
