So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
