Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
