Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
