Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
