Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
