so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
birth control should be required to get into college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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