i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
