addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
