Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
