I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
