Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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