I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
