im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
