She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
worst night to have a conscience
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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