I should be sponsored by Trojan
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
