i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Damn victory sex feels great
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
