dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
