umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
