I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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