yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
