I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
