Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
