You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
